We are the proud owners of a 2012 semi truck. Although we had agreed that Troy would work with the same company for at least a year and have some money in the bank for emergencies before making that step, with less than a year total of driving and with only two months since he switched employers, Troy surprised me by bringing home his “own” truck. Surprise! Huh?

So far he’s brought home one check that was comparable to what he was making as a company driver, two that were less than half, and two that weren’t deposits because he had a negative balance. Do you have any idea how raw my tongue is from the biting. He gets upset when I look at him sideways, so “I told you so” is not exactly helpful however true. I knew this would happen. I told him to do the numbers from company driving to see how it would compare. I told him to get to know the company a bit. I told him things he didn’t want to hear. So he surprised me.

Why do I feel like I’ve been jumped from behind and beaten senseless? All of the bills are late this month. I can’t start substitute teaching until I get my background check (scheduled for this Saturday) completed. I’m not making enough on the books yet to support us. How can he be so oblivious? How can he be angry with me for not being supportive enough when he doesn’t do what he agrees to do? I know impulse control is an issue, but who knew that they’d lease a $100,000.00+ truck to someone who doesn’t have a whole year working since he’s been on disability? They’re crazier than he is!

How do you deal with it when your bipolar partner does something impulsive that scares the daylights out of you? (Comments below would be appreciated.) Do you try to fix it? Do you make them fix it? Do you step back and try to figure out where to go from here? Divorce? Murder?

I’ve learned to fight crazy with rational. This is not the end of the world. I paid the power bill and we do still have time to pay everything else before anything terrible happens–the bill collectors will wait one month without even getting upset. He will either get a reasonably good check this week or he will return the truck and go back to company driving–that was his idea. He gets paid every week, so we could have a regular check in two weeks, most and I could start getting substitute teaching checks the week after that. We will survive. We always have.

Meanwhile, it’s pushed me to think more about promoting my book and that might just be a good thing.

I woke up this morning and while I usually don’t turn on the TV until evening, I turned on The Today Show and saw Justin Bieber’s mother promoting her book about growing up with abuse and how she survived it. She has a big advantage with promoting because of her son, but my story is just as interesting and I’m a “normal” person who has some helpful ideas. I sent my story to the Today Show at NBC. I will probably never hear back from them, but it would definitely lift my spirits if they even acknowledge the idea. I don’t know if we could afford a trip to New York, but we couldn’t afford not to go if they agreed to interview us.

I’m working on an article for the local paper, too. Got to be careful what I say locally because everyone at church will read it.  I’m pretty sure they already know we’re a bit off over here, but I don’t know how they will react. It’s strange that I’m more comfortable approaching the whole world on the internet or the whole country on the national news than putting an article in the local paper or doing a local radio interview (still trying to work up the nerve to do that) or even local tv. Maybe it’s that I don’t really expect to get on the Today Show so it’s low risk.

Besides, maybe going on a national talk show would cause a nice spike in sales and someday down the line I’d get a decent check from Amazon so I wouldn’t have to be so nervous. I don’t think the local media could do that for me. I could be wrong.