Boundaries Are NOT

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I’ve been reading about boundaries in different forums and I’m afraid there are people who have totally missed the point and are abusing or misusing boundaries. Respecting boundaries is what makes healthy relationships to work. Boundaries are the points at which another person’s behavior starts to infringe on your rights. Knowing your boundaries is important and defending them is healthy, but there are some things boundaries are not. (Information about setting boundaries is available here.)

1. Boundaries are not about controlling other people. The whole point of using boundaries is that you can’t and have no right to control other people. You have a right, even a responsibility, to protect yourself and the people you love. Yes, the people who normally roll right over your boundaries may take notice and start respecting your boundaries once they know where they are, but that is always their choice. If they choose to roll right over your boundaries, you have a plan to get out of their way.

2. Boundaries are not about punishing other people. You have no right to punish another adult. You are not judge, jury and executioner. You are not God. If you have been seriously wronged, you have the right to take your case in front of a judge, but you do not have the right to punish someone yourself. You have the right to defend yourself and not one step beyond that or you are trampling their boundaries.

3. Boundaries are not rules that apply to a specific person. When you say “take your medications or I leave” you are making a rule that applies to one person. When you say “I will not live with a person who behaves badly and won’t do basic self care to get control of their behavior.” you are setting a boundary. Not only is your boundary available for anyone who might come into your life, but you leave it open to allow a variety of treatment programs.

4. Boundaries are not a one-way deal. If you want others to respect your boundaries, you have to respect theirs. Even if a person doesn’t know about boundaries or uses a different term for them, it is important that you allow them to feel safe and comfortable with you.

5. Boundaries are not always communicated. Setting and maintaining boundaries is a very personal thing and some of your boundaries won’t be respected even if you make it clear where they are, so it’s not necessary to share them. When you are too weak to defend a boundary, it is often best not to mention it because if you mention it and are tested, your weakness may be used against you.

6. Boundaries are not immovable. Life happens. Things change. Often in a dysfunctional relationship, the first boundaries are very basic and they can be moved forward as the relationship improves. It is perfectly ok to start with “I can’t allow myself to be hurt physically or verbally” and eventually expand it to include threatening behaviors and dirty looks. Sometimes you have to choose your battles and you can tolerate small improvements as long as you see improvement. Sometimes boundaries are changed as trust grows–I was in a domestic violence situation and it took a while before my husband could make any sudden moves toward me, but that’s no longer a boundary for me.

7. Boundaries are not new, arbitrary, or invented. Boundaries are really discovered. It’s not about what you want, it’s about what makes you uncomfortable or afraid. You may not know you have a boundary if it’s never been tested. You may not recognize a boundary if it’s been violated so often that you’re inured to the pain (as is common in child abuse). Your boundaries exist whether you are aware of them or not. If you learn to defend them as you discover them, you can be more comfortable and confident. You will be more aware of when unexpected boundaries are being crossed, even if you had never considered the situation.

Friends

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You may have noticed that I’ve been posting more information about other authors and books lately. I hope you are finding these posts helpful and that you know that I am doing it because I find these things helpful and I want you to have other perspectives.

As I was building this website, I realized that I needed information from a variety of sources and as I located helpful books and websites, I started introducing myself to the writers. We have a lot in common and although many of them have moved past the isolation I’ve been in, they do understand. We are becoming friends.

I don’t have a lot of friends because having a bipolar partner can make it hard to get out with other people and impossible to make plans. I’m an introvert by nature, so I didn’t think I needed friends. But it’s sure nice to have them.

Maybe you’ve been isolated by being in a bipolar relationship. Even people who make friends easily can have trouble maintaining friendships when the things they are dealing with are hard to talk about or hard for people to understand. I know that. I also know that we all need people we can talk with comfortably and share our hopes, dreams, fears and problems.

You’ve probably heard all the usual advice like join a club or take a class, but it’s the usual advice because it works–if those things are available and you can get away.  If you can’t get away or there aren’t appropriate groups in your neighborhood, try making friends online. You can post on this page if you want someone who gets the bipolar thing, or any of the many email support groups. You can go to a forum online on any topic that interests you and introduce yourself. You’ll find plenty of people with common interests. Exchange email addresses with people after you get to know them from public posts and go from there.

Even if it seems like you know a person quickly online, do be careful. Sometimes things are not as they appear and it is easy to post things online that might not be absolutely true. Give it time. Check out other places where your new friend might post and see if their posts are consistent. If something doesn’t feel right, step back and think about it. Those gut feelings are usually right.

You may never meet online friends in person, but you may find that on your next trip across the country you have a place to stop for coffee with someone who has never seen you but knows you and cares about you. It’s good to have a few friends of your own.

Don’t be a stranger. I’m out here making new friends.

 

 

Radical Well-Being

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I meet a lot of other authors online and occassionally come across someone in a different field who has something worthwhile for those of us dealing with bipolar. Rita Hancock MD, author of Radical Well-Being–A Biblical Guide to  Overcoming Pain, Illness and Addiction, is one of those authors. As a doctor she has found  that often physical pain and compulsive behavior is magnified by spiritual or emotional pain.

Her book offers both insight and solutions. My review is  in the next post.

 

(1) Tell us about your book!

Radical Well-being—A Biblical Guide to Overcoming Pain, Illness, and Addictions is about how emotional and spiritual stressors can aggravate physical pain problems and illnesses (such as fibromyalgia, migraine headaches, neck and back pain, irritable bowels, allergies, rashes, etc.) and even cause us to fall into compulsive behaviors like overeating, consuming drugs and alcohol, etc.

In my book, I tell lots and lots of stories about patients who have broken free from these problems by addressing things like

  1.  unforgiveness toward people who hurt them;
  2.  lies that they internalized about themselves when they were children; and
  3.  areas of sin that they were refusing to acknowledge.

(2) What motivated you to write Radical Well-being?

After only a short time in practice, I noticed that some patients had physical pain in spite of negative x-rays, MRIs, and blood tests. Sometimes, those people had alignment issues or muscle spasms that caused pain. Obviously, if I found potential physical causes, I treated them. But, sometimes, even after I treated those people, they still hurt!

Eventually, as I matured in my faith and as I matured as a physician, I got gutsier and started asking patients about past emotional traumas (and even spiritual issues) in those situations. It turned out that getting my patients to talk about the “issues” of their lives made a huge difference in their stress levels and in their physical health. I figured if my patients benefitted and found pain relief and relief of stress-induced illness that way maybe others needed to hear about this, too.

(3) Did you write about yourself in any of those patient stories?

You bet! Little pieces of my own story are woven into a few of the patient scenarios I talk about in my book. I have personally benefitted from thinking this way, too! That’s why I know how good it feels to break free from the lies that we internalize about ourselves while growing up.

(4) How can this information help people with bipolar disorder or their family members?

I believe EVERYONE can benefit from uncovering the lies that we believe about ourselves, forgiving those who hurt us, and coming clean with God in regard to our sins. Specifically, in terms of BPD, I believe there could be a fair amount of guilt, anger, bitterness, and resentment among the family members and sufferers of this condition.

Many of my patients are bipolar, so I’ve had a reasonable glimpse into the stresses associated with this condition—not just those experienced by the patients, but those experienced by their families, too.

(5) What parting words would you like to leave my readers with?

No matter if you’re manic, depressed, holding steady in-between, or if you’re a family member or friend of a person with BPD, God loves you very much and wants you to be freed from emotional and spiritual stressors that might be adding to your situation. My prayer is that you and everyone else you know can find this kind of uplifting relief by reading my book, Radical Well-being.

Thanks so much for this opportunity to talk about my book, Bonnie!

Mass Murder Prevention

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What can I do? As we hear the news of yet another school shooting, those of us with mental illness in our own families pray for the families of the victims and live in dread of becoming the families of the shooters. We know that few of the shooters really have a diagnosed mental illness and even fewer are being treated or even watched. We feel helpless and hopeless to prevent the next tragedy, but there are things every adult can do:

1. If you have any sort of weapon registered in your name, make sure it is secure—that it can’t be easily stolen by a burglar or a troubled family member. Locks and keys—not hidden in a drawer or under the mattress—are the way to keep your gun from taking innocent lives.

2. If you have a friend or family member who is showing signs of depression—not necessarily sadness, but maybe feelings of hopelessness, thoughts about death and dying, unexplained aches and pains, extreme tiredness, talk to them about those feelings and help them to get to a doctor. These can be the earliest symptoms of many serious problems and they can be successfully treated.

3. If you have a friend or family member who shows signs of paranoia—who expresses feelings of being persecuted, fear of things that don’t seem quite reasonable, unexplained anxiety of any sort, take those feelings seriously and steer them to get appropriate help.  These can be the earliest symptoms of serious problems and there are treatments that work.

4. If you are feeling any of the symptoms above or have other troubling psychological issues, don’t tough it out—get help. Nice normal people snap and do stupid things: make sure you aren’t one of them.

5. Tell everyone you know that having mental illness isn’t the problem. Having undiagnosed and untreated mental illness may be the problem.  Having overwhelming stress and snapping just once can also be the problem. Stopping the stigma and getting people who know that they need help to understand that getting help for mental illness is no different from getting help for other medical problems, that seeing a psychiatrist is no more a sign of weakness than seeing a cardiologist or an oncologist or a gynecologist.

6. Educate friends and neighbors of the less noticed symptoms of stress, depression or paranoia so they can watch out for them and encourage their friends and family members who suffer from them to get appropriate help.

7. Educate friends and neighbors of the sneaky little symptoms that you have come to recognize as signs of impending episodes—these can be signs that a person with no known illness is approaching a breaking point. Catch it before it becomes dangerous.

If those of us who are familiar with chronic mental illness can recognize the danger signs in our loved ones, we can start recognizing those signs in others who may not have chronic mental illness, but who might be headed toward a breaking point and in need of intervention.

If we recognize the danger, we may be able to stop the next mass murder before it happens and save the victims, the potential shooter, and their families from a horrific tragedy.

If you are reading this and you aren’t familiar with the symptoms of stress, depression, and paranoia—do a search of those things and get familiar. Then watch for those symptoms in yourself and others who are close to you. You can save unnecessary suffering and innocent lives.

Is bipolar like cancer?

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In support groups we often discuss whether “in sickness and in health” means that if your partner has a serious illness like bipolar, you should refuse to leave them because of their illness, after all you wouldn’t leave them if they had cancer or diabetes or some other serious illness.

My response is that you wouldn’t leave a bipolar partner because they have an illness, you’d leave them because their behavior had become dangerous or intolerable, and that while the illness might contribute to that behavior, the illness itself isn’t the issue–the behavior is.

If someone with cancer or diabetes or any other illness refused to comply with their treatment plan and started treating you like you were evil for wanting them to get treatment–would you leave? If they were threatening your safety and your sanity? If they decided to spend you into oblivion because they wouldn’t be there to pay the debt?

If they were doing the same stuff someone with bipolar might do…would you stay with them just because they have cancer or whatever? Nobody looks into divorce because their spouse has bipolar disorder–that’s not the issue–they consider and follow through with divorce because of all of the terrible behavior that comes with the bipolar.

Bipolar doesn’t make people do terrible things, it just makes it easier for them to do terrible things and harder for them to see the consequences clearly. They still get to choose. Many people stay with their bipolar partner until death because that partner does his or her best to maintain their stability and avoids doing things that harm the partner. It is always an option. Nobody HAS to go on a violent rampage, threatening everyone in sight for no rational reason. It’s still a choice.

In sickness and in health doesn’t mean that illness is a “get out of jail free” card. It means that we don’t abandon someone just because they happen to get sick and we might have to carry a bit more than our share of the burden of the relationship. It doesn’t mean that when someone is sick, they don’t have any responsibility in the relationship. That’s just crazy. It may tip the balance, but it doesn’t get them off the hook entirely. At the very least, they have to be able to love us back–otherwise what’s the point? Even an infant or a dog can do that much.

No, nobody would want to have bipolar and nobody would choose to be mentally ill, but we all get to choose how we will deal with the life we were given and if we choose to deal with an illness by destroying everyone around us, we probably need to be left alone.

Sometimes leaving is the action that saves the relationship. It might be the reason that the hurtful word or the physical attack that would be the ultimate deal-breaker never happens. In time, many hurts can heal and even after a divorce the marriage can be rebuilt, but the more abuse, the harder to rebuild. Stopping the situation, whether it’s leaving the room or leaving the marriage, keeps things from going too far.

There’s no sense in being angry or holding onto the hurt from things that were done in an episode–they really are meaningless and not worth your serious consideration. A person with bipolar is operating without rational thought. But there’s no sense in sticking around to watch someone explode when it puts you in the center of the explosion with no power to stop it. When you can’t disarm a bomb, you get everyone away from it and wait until the explosion is over to assess the damage.

Would you leave your partner because they have bipolar? Would you leave your partner in spite of the fact that they have bipolar? Would you leave bipolar out of it and make decisions based on what is in the best interests of the both of you?

 

 

 

 

The Life I Signed Up For

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When you learn that your partner has a serious mental illness like bipolar disorder, you go through some of the stages of grief because suddenly all of your plans for happily ever after are dashed. How can you have a wonderful normal life with this incurable disease hanging over you? Your planned life is dead and gone.

The first step to dealing with having a partner with bipolar disorder is to accept the life you have been given. It’s not the life you planned, but it can be a great life anyway. You may as well accept it and do the best you can with it.

Does anyone get the life they signed up for?

As I grow older and live through more, I realize that the life I have is really better in so many ways than the life I wanted. I’ve learned so much.

Do people who live the life they ordered know how to have a conversation with someone who isn’t rational? I’ve learned and programmed myself to speak more softly and calmly as he speaks more rapidly and excitedly. Sometimes it even helps to calm him down. When I use that same tactic with other people it’s almost magic. It is very calming. I certainly wouldn’t have perfected that skill any other way.

Do people who live the life they ordered really know how to set boundaries? Many people take their boundaries for granted and most of the people they know are unlikely to trample them often enough for them to worry about it. I was trampled a lot, though, and I had to learn to defend my boundaries (sometimes by walking away) as a survival skill for living with bipolar. I don’t take them for granted and although it sometimes seems like I allow myself to be trampled, I make a conscious choice about how far I let things go. That makes all the difference.

Do people who live the life they ordered know the difference between constructive criticism and verbal abuse? Do they know how to handle both? Verbal abuse is usually irrational–it’s criticism purely to be mean. I totally “get” irrational. I know enough to run most criticism through the “reality filter” and to calmly discard the stuff that doesn’t get through. I also know enough to discard the stuff that I already know and that is just being pointed out to make me feel bad.  Bullies depend on us accepting their abuse as valid when it really isn’t. Learning the difference makes us so much stronger.

Do people who live the life they ordered know how to live in poverty? It might seem pretty obvious from watching the coupon queens and the frugal living articles, but most of these “experts” have a lot more money to work with than someone who is recovering from manic spending, especially if their partner is now too depressed to go to work. It takes working capital to use most of their ideas. It takes some creativity and ingenuity to feed a family a healthy diet when you’re digging in the couch for change, but people who aren’t living the life they ordered can figure it out.

How do people who live the life they ordered learn faith? How do they know that they can survived the unthinkable, the impossible, the ridiculous?

I’m thankful for the life I didn’t order. I have learned so much that I felt compelled to share what I learned in support groups, articles and books. I have become strong in ways that I never even thought about.

If a cure is discovered for bipolar disorder we will drop everything to get it, If we could have our happily ever after, we’d take it in a heartbeat. But I’m not sure I’d ever want to exchange the life I didn’t order or the things it has taught me.

As I live and learn, I’ve come to realize that nobody really lives the life that they ordered. Those who have it all, really don’t. Disasters, diseases and death are not the burden of a few. We all learn our own lessons and we all develop our own strengths. Accept the life you have and the curves it throws you and enjoy it. Happily ever after is a myth, but happily today is up to you.

What have you learned from the life you didn’t order? How would you change it if you could? Please leave a comment so I don’t feel like I’m writing to myself.

Impulse control?

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We are the proud owners of a 2012 semi truck. Although we had agreed that Troy would work with the same company for at least a year and have some money in the bank for emergencies before making that step, with less than a year total of driving and with only two months since he switched employers, Troy surprised me by bringing home his “own” truck. Surprise! Huh?

So far he’s brought home one check that was comparable to what he was making as a company driver, two that were less than half, and two that weren’t deposits because he had a negative balance. Do you have any idea how raw my tongue is from the biting. He gets upset when I look at him sideways, so “I told you so” is not exactly helpful however true. I knew this would happen. I told him to do the numbers from company driving to see how it would compare. I told him to get to know the company a bit. I told him things he didn’t want to hear. So he surprised me.

Why do I feel like I’ve been jumped from behind and beaten senseless? All of the bills are late this month. I can’t start substitute teaching until I get my background check (scheduled for this Saturday) completed. I’m not making enough on the books yet to support us. How can he be so oblivious? How can he be angry with me for not being supportive enough when he doesn’t do what he agrees to do? I know impulse control is an issue, but who knew that they’d lease a $100,000.00+ truck to someone who doesn’t have a whole year working since he’s been on disability? They’re crazier than he is!

How do you deal with it when your bipolar partner does something impulsive that scares the daylights out of you? (Comments below would be appreciated.) Do you try to fix it? Do you make them fix it? Do you step back and try to figure out where to go from here? Divorce? Murder?

I’ve learned to fight crazy with rational. This is not the end of the world. I paid the power bill and we do still have time to pay everything else before anything terrible happens–the bill collectors will wait one month without even getting upset. He will either get a reasonably good check this week or he will return the truck and go back to company driving–that was his idea. He gets paid every week, so we could have a regular check in two weeks, most and I could start getting substitute teaching checks the week after that. We will survive. We always have.

Meanwhile, it’s pushed me to think more about promoting my book and that might just be a good thing.

I woke up this morning and while I usually don’t turn on the TV until evening, I turned on The Today Show and saw Justin Bieber’s mother promoting her book about growing up with abuse and how she survived it. She has a big advantage with promoting because of her son, but my story is just as interesting and I’m a “normal” person who has some helpful ideas. I sent my story to the Today Show at NBC. I will probably never hear back from them, but it would definitely lift my spirits if they even acknowledge the idea. I don’t know if we could afford a trip to New York, but we couldn’t afford not to go if they agreed to interview us.

I’m working on an article for the local paper, too. Got to be careful what I say locally because everyone at church will read it.  I’m pretty sure they already know we’re a bit off over here, but I don’t know how they will react. It’s strange that I’m more comfortable approaching the whole world on the internet or the whole country on the national news than putting an article in the local paper or doing a local radio interview (still trying to work up the nerve to do that) or even local tv. Maybe it’s that I don’t really expect to get on the Today Show so it’s low risk.

Besides, maybe going on a national talk show would cause a nice spike in sales and someday down the line I’d get a decent check from Amazon so I wouldn’t have to be so nervous. I don’t think the local media could do that for me. I could be wrong.

What’s a Vacation?

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The past couple posts have been about projects that I thought you’d be interested in, but it’s time to get back to writing my own posts and I thought I’d give an update on what it’s like being the designated sane person at my house.

I took two weeks of vacation away from the house and the computer and everything and spent two weeks in the semi with my husband.  I should probably be coming back ready to roll, but I actually came back early because the son who was supposed to be watching things for me managed to get both my scooter and the family car impounded and himself arrested.  I don’t think it was entirely the heat (it IS over 100° F here) that has sucked the life right out of me.

I know that all things work together for good to those who love God and who are called according to his purpose and I can hardly wait to see what God does with this. People wonder how I keep it together and it just occurred to me that I may try a little harder just because I want to be here when it gets good,

Meanwhile, back at insanityville, I’ve just read a great book about domestic violence and was reminded of what that was like before Troy decided that he didn’t want to be abusive any more and being thankful that we weren’t dealing with that any more when…the stress hit Troy like a ton of bricks.

I missed a phone call last night. Actually I missed several of them. Sometimes when I get busy reading or writing or working on a project I lose all track of time and if I don’t happen to hear the phone…it doesn’t occur to me that his world is not on hold like mine is. By the time I checked my phone there were 17 missed calls with three or four messages.

I can’t repeat what was said in polite company, but the messages sounded full of rage and paranoia and abuse. I tried to call to talk but of course he wouldn’t answer right away. When we finally talk, I mention that the phone is set to the loudest setting and is on a table in the room where I was most of that time but I didn’t hear it ring. He is sullen and still angry. I should have missed him and called. I obviously don’t love him as much as he loves me–and he leaves me those scathing messages? Hmmmm? I know it’s the mania talking and he brings up his meds before I do. He has noticed that he is taking tomorrow’s pills today and doesn’t know where he messed up. Oh, no.

I hope and pray he doesn’t overdose on the lithium (toxic and therapeutic levels are so close anyway) and wonder how he’ll get this straightened out. He should probably talk to his doctor, but I wouldn’t wish his bad mood on her. He will need blood levels done as soon as he gets home. Until then, who knows what he’ll do.

I get that he’s stressed to the max and that stress can do this to him, but I’m stressed, too and I don’t have drugs to balance me or even anyone to talk with. I have this blog and I do hope it helps someone besides me. I guess if the purpose is to show that even without a happily ever after, we can keep working through our relationship it does show that. Hey, if we can keep this marriage going after years of domestic violence, the full range of bipolar behavior, and raising four sons who  have either learned bad coping techniques or inherited bipolar genes or both,  you can probably work through whatever is complicating your life.

A Family’s Secret–Bipolar Disorder on Treetop Lane–Author

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I’ve been trying to get some new books posted to the site, books that will help people understand what bipolar is really like, books that offer a little different point of view, books that show some of the variations of bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder can present in very different ways and it seems like nothing can really prepare you for it.

While looking for books to share with you, I’ve met some interesting people by email and the author of this book has become one of my friends. Carol Horan wrote a memoir about her marriage to a man with bipolar disorder called A Family’s Secret–Bipolar Disorder on Treetop Lane.  It is available on Amazon. Carol also has a website at http://bipolarfamilysecret.com/ where you can learn more. Let me introduce Carol:

            Now happily remarried and retired, Carol is grateful for having two adult children who she feels close to in her heart, if not geographically. She is the grandmother of seven, four girls and three boys. She loves to read, cook, teach water fitness, golf and volunteer at an agency which helps abused children. She also enjoys Yoga, Pilates and swimming. She currently co-facilitates Divorce Care with her current husband at her church.

Carol spent a total of twenty-eight years in the field of marriage and family therapy. She began working at a community mental health agency for six years. Later she worked for two counties doing outreach with chronic truants and their families for six years. At the same time, she began a private practice in marriage and family therapy which lasted for twenty-two years. During that time she worked as an EAP associate for two Employee Assistance Programs. She was also a presenter for a county Kids in a Divorcing Society Program for fifteen years.

She spent fifteen years employed as a counselor and prevention coordinator for a large high school district.

She feels strongly about our need to advocate for laws that help those who suffer from mental illness. They need access to professional help, medication and hospitalization. Far too many people suffering from mental illness find themselves homeless or incarcerated. For many it is a vicious and never ending circle. Individuals and families suffer, and so does the public at large. Mental illness is treatable.

Untreated mental illness, however, is frightening to the patient and their loved ones. A major difficulty is getting a patient to submit to treatment and medication, since one of the worst aspects of the disease is the accompanying denial that there is any need for help. The denial found in patients who are suffering from a mental illness is often similar to those who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs.

When Carol’s first husband was experiencing mania, he saw no need for help. He was convinced everyone else had a problem. This is often the case. Her memoir is drawn from her memories and journal describing her experiences in a twenty-six year marriage. There were many good memories, but untreated mental illness changed everything.

Don’t forget to look for her book on Amazon. And check out her website at http://bipolarfamilysecret.com/ .

 

 

 

Self-Help for Bipolar

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Pictures in the Dark – bipolar non-fiction is the project of a friend of mine who has bipolar disorder and has learned to live with it, mostly successfully, using a variety of techniques and coping skills. She is very self-aware and is able to function mostly without medication, though we both agree that this is not possible or even preferable for many people who have bipolar disorder.

I haven’t read the book yet, but I know much of her story from her websites and from being a facebook friend. She has some great ideas from her own experience of living with bipolar and she has the writing skills to communicate those things well.

If you are reading this because you have bipolar disorder and are looking for information to make your relationships work or if you have a partner who has bipolar disorder and who is accepting enough of the diagnosis to want to do more than take medication, please consider at least preordering a copy of the book.

If you are reading this because you have a bipolar partner who isn’t compliant and who doesn’t believe they have a problem, you still may want to read this book yourself to get a better idea of what bipolar looks like from inside. The more you understand what is going on, the better you will be able to cope and help.

If you are reading this because you have any strong interest in mental illness, if you want to put some money into helping people with bipolar disorder and into stopping the stigma, go to this page and select your level of involvement.

If you can’t donate, consider following and sharing our progress at http://bi-polarbears.com or http://picturesinthedark.com – if you’d like to submit to ‘Darkroom’, on the understanding that there will be some form of compensation (even token if we don’t make our goals), and see the breakdown of what the income is going towards, please do.

I’m not being paid for this endorsement and I don’t advertise anything on this site unless I really believe in it and know that it will be helpful. I hope some of you will join me in supporting this.